Transvestia circultous ways, but shortly afterward I dropped the bomb, admitting the pleasures and promising that I'd try to stop again.

She was speechless. Also, she thought that if we ig- nored it, it would go away. And it did! For two months I actually believed it myself. But the dream was still there. And now motive and opportunity were conveni- ently married. What does a TS/TV do with such a problem? Rather than hurt the one you love, you go "underground", of course. So from that time until five years later, 1963, Cathy remained in rigid confinement, undeveloped, im- mature as an FP, incompatible, and we were both miser- able. My wife never knew of my frequent dressing ses- sions, until one day whe found a paper bag under my workbench filled with several articles of TV nerve tonic. She never said a word.....then.

During these first five years of marriage, I had hoped for a miracle; that barring my TS dream finding fruition, perhaps my wife would realize how impossible a cure was and allow me some femme- freedom. Both of us seemed headed for a nervous breakdown. A blow-up was imminent, and came.

And how it came! A torrent of tears and remorse, accusations and bitter retorts; ending with her packing her bags, the baby and herself into her car for a trip to Baltimore, Maryland. Vertigo! Black cold terror struck my soul. What if she doesn't come back? What if she really files for a divorce? I'd been fighting it all my life, but I cherished my wife AND my feminine expres- sion. I wanted to die.

But, wonder of wonders, she came back, and we then had a long calm talk. As my part of the ensueing bargain, I promised to see a urologist and a psychiatrist to deter- mine the causes and possible cure for our problems. This was done. The urologist pronounced me perfect, some- what small, and the psychiatrist rambled around through the chasm of his Freudian background and came up with a zero. This is par for the course, but let's not condemn psychiatry. They can only learn so much from a textbook. At any rate, from sifting the sands of this experience, my wife and I did make some genuine progress toward a better

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